First dates can be nerve-wracking! — I’ve been there, and I am sure you have too.
But you can go into your first, second, or third date with confidence in who God had made you to be. When you show up with openness and curiosity about the person in front of you, the whole experiences become lighter. And sometimes, having a few thoughtful questions in your back pocket can help you feel even more confident and connected in the conversation.
Start Light, Not Deep
This isn’t a marriage proposal, calling or theology. Take a deep breath. — a conversation and opportunity to engage in creative and fun conversations. So, if that’s you? Then try some of the questions below:
- What’s something you’ve been enjoying lately?
- Have you tried anything new recently?
- How are you really?
- what do you do for fun?
This can relax both sides and avoid intensity too early. — There is no-one-size-fits all when it comes to dating. Depending on the number of dates you have been on, these questions may seem shallow. The idea is to pretend you are starting afresh with each conversation.
Don’t go into a date pre-conditioned. Let your past, be in the past. It doesn’t matter, until it matters. By doing so we eliminate overly high expectations, and intentionally reject projection, bias and any assumptions carried over from the past. Doing so empowers you to walk in God’s freedom for you without pain or shame.
Key focus: Remember, the focus of stage one of dating is focused on Friendship. Get curious and gently learn as much about someone as they are willing to tell you in each stage of dating. Check out Five Stages of Dating article for more help.
Get Into Purpose + Passion Questions
Getting to know a romantic match isn’t just about you. Hopefully you are excited about getting to know this individual and what really makes them tick. In order to see, value, illuminate and give thanks for how God made them.
These questions are a helpful guide to help you do that:
- What are you passionate about right now?
- What’s something meaningful you’ve been learning?
- What gives you joy outside of work/church?
- Where does your passion come from?
- If you could change career, what would you choose?
These questions can help create connection without forcing vulnerability.
Faith-Centred Questions (Without Interrogation)
These questions invite spiritual vulnerability naturally. Be sure to balance if/when you ask these questions. But if you are unsure about which questions are appropriate, then ask your date whether they would feel comfortable with the questions. Doing so builds safety, trust and intimacy.
- How has your faith been growing recently?
- What has God been speaking to you about?
- What’s one spiritual discipline that’s been helping you lately?
- Which verse has been getting you through the week?
- What does faith look like to you?
Keep it conversational — not a test.
Vision & Values Questions (The Heart of Christian Dating)
Compatibility and alignment in moral values is important. So, take the opportunity to get curious and be open with your date. As long as they are willing to enter into conversation. Neither of you is getting engaged or married today. This should allow you both to relax and enjoy each other’s company.
Here are some good questions to ask each other:
- What are some values that matter most to you?
- What kind of community do you thrive in?
- What does a healthy relationship look like to you?
- What moment defines your faith in Jesus? (No need for a full testimony, but a teaser trailer is okay)
- Which hard lesson did God teach you, and what did you learn from it?
- How important is prayer to you?
- Do you attend church regularly? (if yes? Why and if not, why?)
These can help create warmth and ease. As you learn to understand one another.
Questions to Avoid on a First Date
Awkward moments are okay, but here are a list of questions you’ll want to avoid asking on a first date.
- So, are you ready for marriage?
- How many kids do you want?
- What happened in your last relationship
- anything about sex, trauma, or major conflict.
Why is this so important? Deep and revelational questions about a desire for marriage, kids, previous relationships or trauma early on can build a false sense of intimacy. A strong relationship is built on friendship, trust, compatibility and shared value. Don’t be in a rush.
Taking as much time as possible is a good thing. We’re talking about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. By racing to the finish line, you miss out on God’s timing, cautions or potentially red flags.
In our Five Stages of Dating post. Is share the value in taking time to be intentional during every phase of a relationship. By pacing ourselves’s we self-protect both individuals and examine one another in all four seasons.
A lot can change during six months of dating. It is important to make sure you understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses to a degree before getting intimately committed and intense before it’s time.
How To Close a Date Gracefully?
Good endings provide clarity and peace. It’s all too easy to end a date thinking critically about your experience and see them for who they are. In this instance, unless something is seriously wrong? Consider adopting the three-date-rule. Do your best to go on dates with a positive attitude. Bringing a negative mindset into a date, the chemistry on your date.
If after experiencing three dates, you truly see a match or not?
Here are some ides of what you could say:
- I really enjoyed getting to know you today
- I’d love to see you again? If you’d like that?
- Thanks for spending time with me – let me know if you’d like to talk again.
- Thank you for seeing me.
The key here is to flow in love like it says in John 15:12 “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” The truth is without first receiving and accepting God’s love for us. Showing up authentically in God’s love. Then loving your date is difficult.
The Golden Rule: Be Curious, Not Impressive
People feel valued when you:
- Ask good questions
- Listen actively
- Share, but don’t overshare (this is about balance not pressure, and if you are unsure ask whether you can ask the question. The key is to be yourself and be honest).
- Stay present (Be in the moment, not on your phone. It’s okay to be nervous).
- Keep the conversation balanced. Give room for your date to talk about themselves and freely share about yourself without taking over the entire conversation. (You will get excited on a date, this can lead to taking up all the conversational space. Don’t do this).
- Be patient with each other.
Dating as Christians works best when both sides are kind, curious, genuine and slow enough to truly see each other. The mindset you hold will determine your ability to show up well on a date.
Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself and step outside your comfort zone. When we truly take the time to get to know one another.
If you found reading this helpful, be sure to leave a like ⭐ and comment. Follow us on Instagram, join our Facebook Group community, and consider tuning into our Weekly Podcast. Or attend our Singles Retreats in Scotland. You don’t have to walk through your season of singleness alone, let’s flow in God’s love together.
